Important Business Consulting

Schedule

Sunday night: You fly me to your location, via a nice fucking plane, and I stay in a hotel.

Monday: I wake up early to do pushups on the roof while you're still getting your daughter ready for school. We meet at your office and spend all day verbally sparring, exchanging meaningless platitudes and bullshit business philosophies; and generally just dicking around.

Tuesday: I wake up early to check on the asian markets while you have a no-fat soy latte or some other bullshit like that. You describe your problems to me in detail, and we go on a long walk through your factory or office or whatever.

Wednesday: Guess what — I don't have to wake up early because I never fucking went to sleep! You introduce me to everyone on your team and then leave the room while I talk to them.

Thursday: I sleep in and spend the morning sort of zoning out; or maybe I go on a caffeine-fueled vision quest. Later in the day, we talk about the solution to your problems.

Friday: You are invited to join me for early morning pushups on the roof, followed by a hearty breakfast. We present the solution to the rest of your team. That night, I take you and your team out for drinks and we don't stop until your VP of Sales gets thrown out of the bar for ogling the wrong guy's girlfriend.

Saturday: I fly back, and you miss me profoundly.

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